Double M and the Desperado

Me and my friend 'The Fee' have decided that in order to curb our obsessiveness and to perhaps kill off the Desperado in both of us we must have an outlet for our general anger and misunderstanding of the world and the people in it (most of whom we don't like very much).

The Fee e-mailed me telling me that blogging would be 'good for me' so we shall see how many blogs it takes before I am cured.

I only became a Desperado within the last couple of months. It began with me reverting back to my old ways of deciding it would be easier to 'fall in love' with someone who was unavailable in every way rather than actually find someone who is . We'll call this person 'Double M'. Now, Double M is a serial womaniser and an emotional cripple (sounds perfect to me!) who is obviously not in the least bit interested in having an emotional relationship with me, however, I have convinced myself that secretly he is in love with me but just 'too scared to admit it' and eventually he will realise that I am 'the One' - even though we have already discussed this and my name didn't come up once, in fact he went out of his way to ensure that I didn't think he was talking about me. None the less I am clinging on (for dear life) to my belief that eventually he will see that I am the one for him.

And so here I am six years later: a Desperado with slight stalker tendencies and a wine addiction. It's taken a lot for me to admit I'm a Desperado as The Fee and I regularly make fun of others who have Desperado ways. I think the first step in my recovery is to say:

My Name is Julia and I am a Desperado.