The Penny Drops.........

Ok, cold turkey is going well although now I am traumatised by the fact that a. he hasn't noticed and b. he obviously doesn't care.

I have taken a long hard look at myself and my relationship to Double M (mostly the lack of one) in the 3 days I have been cold turkey. He hasn't bothered to call, text or even e-mail and I realised that I had been slightly stalking him. Without my efforts of communication he completely forgets I exist.

I am no longer in denial, upset or jealous, I have now moved onto phase 3 - anger tinged with a little bit of sadness. Now, don't panic I am not about to key his car or make his life a living hell in any way. I am merely stating that although I have known this man for the best part of 10 years he still treated me like some random he met out on a Saturday night special. I am horrified at myself for allowing the situation to develop this far although I do feel that some advantage was taken. He knew full well I liked him in that way and fooled me into believing he felt the same without actually giving anything away. In short - I was used. Used by someone I liked and thought liked me. I know its not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last but I don't think it gets any easier to accept. I think it hurts more because I thought we were friends and I thought he liked me as a friend but oviously not even that. Oh! The shame!

Ok ok, 'stop whining!' I hear you cry! As The Fee and I always say at times like this - self pity is not an attractive feature' so I will stop but I will say I don't know what I ever saw in him. I have been foolishly clinging on (for 6 yes 6 years!) to something that was never there in the first place.

I think the time has come to stop living my life like I'm in some kind of romantic comedy movie it's just sad and desparate - I have been sad and desperate. Double M must be having a right good laugh at my expense! But I fear people like him eventually get what they deserve as they say in China 'If you sit by the river long enough the bodies of your enemies eventually float past'. Maybe a bit harsh but thats the anger stage for you...................

So, the next step in my recovery is:

To Get over Double M and move on.